She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
he just fucked me for my cheese.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
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