i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
