i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
