I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
I take back everything I said about communal showers
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
