i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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