I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
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