we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
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