hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
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