My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Randomize
