i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
