dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
God gave him joint rollers for hands
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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