So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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