Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
