theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
