you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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