I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
He is an equal opportunity slut.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
