these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
