You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Randomize
