he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
