what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Come see our sink grown plant.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Randomize
