he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
