Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
