seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
Randomize
