Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
