Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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