planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Randomize