Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Randomize
