More tranny stories later!
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
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