Is it normal to miss your booty call?
I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
