I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
