By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Randomize
