You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Randomize