I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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