I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
