You don't have asthma, your pregnant
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
Randomize
