I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
