the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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