I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
not ubering you a puppy
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
