We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Randomize
