i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
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