The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
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