Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
I'm having to shit out rocks
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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