so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
smell my finger.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
