Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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