Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
i barfeds in our rink
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
