I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Randomize
