Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
