people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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