Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Randomize
