my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize
