I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
