how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
