you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
your like the ambassador to my penis.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Randomize
