who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Randomize
