weddingsv make me drug and hornr
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
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