About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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