I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Randomize
