i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
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