I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Randomize
