worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Randomize