My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Randomize
