hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
