Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
