I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Randomize
