No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
