if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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