You're a womanizer and a bitch.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Randomize
