Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
there is glitter all over my balls
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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