We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Randomize
