i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
