Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Randomize
