4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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