Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Randomize
