he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
