Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Randomize
