Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
