Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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