your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
if i died would you start the facebook group?
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
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