ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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