Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
