3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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