Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
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