i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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