you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize