I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
