Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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