The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Naked Twister starts at high noon
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Randomize
